Why “self-care” doesn’t work, and why addressing our habits does

I certainly know burn out, although I suspect for a long time that I was in denial about its symptoms. I just kept pushing, like so many of us do.

It wasn’t until our first child was born that so much started to catch up with me. The postpartum exhaustion was unreal…and I don’t just mean in the first 6 - 12 months. It felt like all the movement and driving from the past five years just came crashing down on me and here was this little person who needed me to wake up to the fact that it was time to get to know self-care. Because my own self-care determined how well I could take care of him, and it still does.

In some ways, that same fatigue + overwhelm can creep up on me now. And, I’m done learning how to “manage” it, but more so how to honor it. I suspect you’re ready (or at least interested) in taking better care of yourself, too.

Here’s the deal: Getting to know self-care means getting to know all the pieces of your life that interfere with your ability to truly take care of yourself.

by cassdays

Because one hot bubble bath isn’t self-care.
One night of 7-9 hours of sleep isn’t self-care.
One face mask isn’t self-care.
One morning/afternoon/night/day of Netflix isn’t self-care.
One yoga class every once in a while isn’t self-care.

Self-care isn’t always a treat. It’s a lot less glamorous than what Instagram would have you think. Instead, taking care of yourself means creating the conditions for rest and rejuvenation on a consistent, daily basis. It’s letting go of the habits that are continuing to deplete you.

Here are some ideas of habits that I can guarantee aren’t working for you:

Debilitating perfectionism in all facets of life (not just work).
Constant striving and climbing ladders.
Lack of boundaries.
Too full calendars.
Martyrdom.
Thinking you have to do x to get y (aka going for a run to eat a brownie, or getting that degree to be worthy).
Continually taking on too much (whatever that means for you).
Associating “fitness” with how your body looks or how hard you work out.
Scrolling during your “quiet” moments.
Staying up too late.
Not asking for what you need (at home + at work).
Being so “busy,” that we don’t schedule time to meet with our care providers (therapists, doctors, acupuncturists, etc.).
Being so “busy” or “fearful” that we avoid our bank accounts or conversations about money.
Not asking for help.
Thinking you can do it all or that you should do it all.
Denying the wisdom of the heart.

Taking care of you doesn’t need to be an “hours a day” thing. It could be, but it could also start with just five minutes.

Regular self-care practice means creating the space for peace, so think about what creates the conditions for a less harried life for you. Maybe that’s walking in nature, a daily devotional. Maybe it’s a quiet, hot shower every day. Maybe it’s your yoga practice. Maybe it’s getting clear on what hard conversations you need to have to create the life you want. And, know that this is evolving, never static.

My own practice of self-care means getting really clear on where my intuition, my heart (for you this might be your gut), is guiding me to go. To have that clarity, I go to bed early (mostly), and wake up to do my morning meditation followed by writing or asana. Self-care means an afternoon meditation, too, when the toddler naps. It’s committing to prepare healthy food most days. It means a good cry + a good book a lot of days. It means time to cuddle with my husband.

And, so things have to go. The house isn’t perfect. I’m not working on all the projects I thought I would be. Movies + shows aren’t being watched. Dinners are super basic. But, more than that I’m learning to walk away from what I feel like I “should” be doing with my life, and instead allowing the space to receive. Receive rest. Receive peace. Receive inspiration. Receiving could be a whole other post, but right now it’s my self-care practice in a word.

Think about what practices you could let go of (see some ideas above) to invite in greater ease and space for consistent self-care. Maybe pick one to start with or consider your own experiences. We’re not going for the ‘perfect’ day here, but rather what you truly need to feel better in your body and mind. Also note, baths + masks + sleep + yoga could all be a part of your self-care rituals (I’m just saying one won’t fix anything).

What habits interfere with your ability to care for yourself? How might you feel by unburdening yourself of whatever blocks your path to peace? I’d love to hear from you on this. Please write to me below in the comments.

And if you need a practice to help you develop better habits and let others fall away, please read about the NOURISH Circle Yoga + Meditation Membership. We enroll periodically throughout the year.

With love,
Leanne