What keeps me up at night (thoughts on Abhinivesha)
Before teaching a Narrative practice on Sunday, we were discussing joy. The week’s joys, everyday delights, pleasure in all its forms. Remember, Joy is not cancelled. It never was. In fact, it’s our natural state (which is different than happiness or seeking happiness), and yet there’s nothing wrong with feeling sad, angry, etc.
And, then I said it. The thing that’s been on my mind for a year. The thing that’s been keeping me up at night - not the fear pumped into our social media feeds and airwaves or that I feel pulsating around me (even though the love and nourishment from nature, from Spirit is a stronger pulse).
We glossed over it quickly before class. It wasn’t necessarily my intention to focus on this topic during practice, but perhaps it might be soon.
I said, “One of the causes of suffering in the yoga tradition is known as Abhinivesha, or ‘fear of death.’ And, my greatest concern this year has been that we’ve forgotten what it means to live, and that we’re waiting for someone else to tell us it’s okay to do so.”
Abhinivesha is one of the Kleshas (there are five) in the Yoga Sutras, which point to mental causes of suffering. Abhinivesha refers to the fear of dying, but also with identifying too strongly with a temporary body and physical world. You are more than a body. You are more than your mind. And, yet this planet has given us the ability to experience beauty in our human forms. And, that beauty has always been there even in the hardest of times.
The beauty of a rose, a tulip, a daffodil.
The beauty of a newborn baby.
The beauty of the ocean, a star-lit sky, the mountain peaks.
The beauty of the nutritious food on your plate.
The beauty of song.
The beauty of touch, hugs, kisses, warm embraces (which I know for some has not been encouraged).
The beauty of learning, books, and art in all its mediums.
The beauty of bonfires, hiking, camping, hearing the rain tap the leaves.
The beauty of talking with a neighbor, connecting with others at the local park.
The beauty of cooking a meal for another.
The beauty of meditation and stillness.
The beauty of feeling the body moving through a yoga practice.
We must remember to live. Our time here is never guaranteed and as a Buddhist teaching goes, the problem is that we think we have too much time.
I have truly despised so much of the rhetoric about the last year, but what I actually know to be true is that so many untruths are coming to a turbulent surface to be dealt with and we cannot look away. We cannot give into the name-calling, side-taking, bashing of people whose thoughts and life experiences are different than our own. We lean into discomfort the same way we lean into beauty. We learn from difference just as we do joy. We welcome them all to the table. We remember our one-ness. This is living.
The purpose of yoga is to connect with the true Self, the Atman, Brahman. And when we do, we recognize universal truths:
You were and are always free (it’s your mind that believes it’s not).
You have everything you need.
You can lean into heart wisdom over logic. Every damn day.
All the answers you require are within (not without) and you can trust that.
There are a lot less actual facts out there than there are variations of knowledge.
Joy is our natural state. Inner peace is available to us right now.
So, I ask you…are you waiting for someone to give you permission to live your life right now? To give you the green light that it’s safe to be? Do you cling to your temporary body and physical reality? Are you suffering in your fears?
These are big questions. I know. These are the questions that keep me up at night, that have me questioning and imagining a different future for my/our children than what is here before us right now. Have I perfected this practice? Absolutely not. I am human, too! And, I have attachments, too, but I can recognize when fear is encroaching on my own sense of well-being and innate intuition, and turn that ship around. I want that for you, too.
What resonates with you here? I imagine this topic will ruffle some feathers. I hope it does, and I hope there’s a big sigh somewhere with in. I choose life. I choose joy. I choose love over fear. There’s more love and goodness and greatness out there than we realize. I’d love to hear from you.
With love,
Leanne
Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash
