Unpopular [but necessary] POV: You’re still postpartum IF…
There was a moment not too long ago where I realized that amongst a sea of people, I was the last to have food on my dinner plate. Everyone was seated, beginning to hungrily dig in and there I was still standing. Exhausted. Sweaty. And very, very hungry.
The breastfeeding mother needs to be fed FIRST, not last.
This was the realization I had. In a moment, I went from well this is normal - the mother feeds the people and she gets whatever is left in food, time, energy - to hearing that wise voice within say YOU ARE STILL POSTPARTUM. You deserve to be fed first.
Postpartum is much longer than the standard six to eight weeks for vaginal births and 10-12 weeks for Cesarean births.
And, while this isn’t a letter about keeping up milk supply, many women experience issues in supply because they aren’t getting adequate rest and nutrition. Some of that is hard to avoid and some isn’t. Most women can breastfeed barring structural issues, with the right supports in place. This is fact.
The point is: As mothers, grandmothers, partners, aunties, brothers, sisters, and friends, we all have a role to play in ensuring that mothers and birthing individuals are treated with the utmost reverence and respect during their postpartum, which spans YEARS.
And, if we ARE the breastfeeding and postpartum parent, it’s okay to ask for the help you need and deserve. i.e. Perhaps, I could’ve said, Hey can someone make me a plate? We can take ourselves out of victim mode and really begin to ask for what we need.
This is how harmful generational patterns are disrupted.
Let’s open up the definition of “postpartum” so that we can all serve ourselves, our babies, and our loved ones even better, yes?
I go into all of these definitions in much more depth in the Afterglow Mentorship for Pregnancy and Postpartum (I could write a chapter on each stage!). Please know, these are definitions that I have developed from years of study and working directly with postpartum mothers:
Initial + Immediate Postpartum - This is what is allopathic/Western medicine refers to as the standard 6-8 weeks postpartum. Really, it’s more like 12 weeks after a baby is born, known as the Fourth Trimester. When we witness the postpartum individual and begin to study the ancient wisdom traditions, we realize that this is only the beginning stages of postpartum.
Much healing is taking place. The mother will bleed post-birth for up to 10 weeks as the wound from the placenta heals on the internal wall of the uterus. This wound is the size of a dinner plate initially. Her uterus is shrinking back to its original size. Her body is unstable as it reorganizes itself.
She’s beginning to make milk for her baby or babies. She needs A LOT of rest and nourishment. Not exercise. Not walks around the block. Not trips to Target or a local cafe. She needs broths, soups, stews, teas, water, animal protein and fat, vegetables. This will help to replenish the tissues. Not smoothies. Not salads. Unless those are snacks and very, very hearty. Preferably all of these are served to her while she’s in bed at least for the first 2 weeks.
She can expect her baby to want to nurse often, and to want to be held ALL THE TIME. This is normal and healthy. Holding her baby often and even resting near her baby will support her milk supply, too.
Primary Postpartum - This period immediately follows the initial and immediate postpartum weeks and lasts up until baby’s first birthday. She still requires much rest. Her hormones are stabilizing, and the hormone relaxin is still moving throughout the system especially if breastfeeding. This hormone makes the joints unstable, which will make the postpartum individual more susceptible to injury.
Many mothers attempt to jump back in to their “life before baby.” It’s not possible. There is only forwards. I find that those who move into high intensity practices in this period are very depleted by the end of their baby’s first year and then for years to come. Unpopular point of view, but it’s true.
Much nourishment is still required, much rest, and much compassion is needed if you or a mother you know is now navigating how to do parenting, work life, relationships, and so on. Postpartum depletion is very common in the first year, where there is much energy being poured out of the mother (physically, energetically, and emotionally) and not much being poured in.
Six months is still postpartum. Nine months is still postpartum. 12 months is still postpartum. If you are a mother and are still feeling not quite yourself, that would be normal. Rebirths take time. You are in your own process of rebirth. Keep checking in on the postpartum mothers in your life. Keep bringing them food, offering to do a load of laundry or sweep the house. Keep asking if their older children would like to come play at the park while she rests.
Secondary Postpartum - This period follows baby’s first birthday and lasts up until their third. In Ayurvedic practice, we recognize that it takes a birthing individual three years to heal from pregnancy, labor, and birth. THREE YEARS. Ayurvedic medicine acknowledges the immense output required to create a tiny human, feed that being, and nourish her/him with your body and love. The dhatus, tissues, will require this much time to replenish.
Allow yourself to keep your world small. To stay closer to home. To say no to too many activities. Allow yourself to slow down to the pace of your infant/toddler. Allow the new mothers in your life this offering, too. The body can begin to take on more movement and exercise alongside adequate rest. MOST babies and toddlers do NOT sleep through the night and it would be absurd to expect this from them, which also means that the parent(s) aren’t sleeping through the night either. This will pass. Adjust your exercise practices to meet the need for rest.
Abundance in all its comes from rest.
The reality is that postpartum is for life. There is not going back to “before.” The landscape of the body, the heart, the brain is forever changed.
How are we allowing the postpartum mothers in our lives to BE in their postpartum? Did we allow ourselves? Are we allowing ourselves? Yes or no? Why or why not?
Patriarchal patterning runs deep. Denying yourself rest, denying yourself nourishment, denying yourself compassion, demanding that you perform in the ways you did pre-baby (or babies) is a symptom of internalized patriarchal structures. By holding this space for ourselves AND other mothers, we disrupt the harmful pattern. If we call ourselves feminists, we must honor this.
In September, I will be opening Afterglow for the fall cohort. It’s for pregnancy and up to five years postpartum. Would you be interested in talking about it with me?
Afterglow is breaking harmful generational patterns that have left women and mothers feeling alone, neglected, not heard, and not seen. We’re returning to ancient ways and innate traditions that support the well-being of mothers and children.
You are the disruption. You are ensuring that healing begins in your family system, changing the trajectory for you, your children and grandchildren with these practices and this awareness.
I’d love to schedule time to see if this is right for you. This is NOT a Sales Pitch. If you’re worried about that, there won’t be one. It’s more so about finding clarity if this mentorship is right for you and the courage to act if you know in your heart you want to be working together for 12 weeks. Schedule a FREE 20 minute Clarity Call with me here to simply speak about your needs and ask questions. I’ll be ready with tea and an open heart.
With love.
Jai Ma,
Leanne
P.S. Pass this letter on to all of your postpartum friends! Spread the word that postpartum is a longer process of healing. This is how we honor health and each other. This is how we honor LIFE, supporting mothers and their babies that will reap benefits for years to come. Imagine if every woman and child felt completely nurtured, seen, heard, and held in those early days, weeks, and years. The world would be a different place. It still can be.
